Relationships can be complicated, but when one partner is demonstrating narcissistic traits, the inner workings of that relationship can become even more confusing.
Narcissism isn’t just an arrogant self-involved complex. It’s a disturbing pattern of behaviour that is centred around control, manipulation, and an overall lack of empathy for others. In relationships this can be very painful and harmful to the other partner.
At first a relationship like this may feel exciting. A narcissist will often begin a relationship with flattery and charm, while also making sure their partner feels special. But over time, their true patterns emerge. It’s then where you see that, to them, the relationship is transactional. A narcissist has impaired boundaries and a lack of empathy. As such, they fail to see anyone as their own three-dimensional individual. They exist in a world of self-interest and act only to benefit their own motives. When in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, you will often be forgotten and perhaps not be considered in their decisions.
Some common signs of narcissism in relationships include:
- Gaslighting: Making you question your own perception of reality, your memories, and feelings.
- Withholding affection: The use of love or attention as a tool of control. They avoid showing you care in order to show you their power.
- Blame-Shifting: Refusing to take responsibility for their actions, while simultaneously blaming you instead.
- Control and Isolation: They’ll attempt to limit your other relationships, so that they’re your only source of human connection. This isolation forces you to rely on them, giving them the control they seek over you.
The emotional toll of being in a relationship with a narcissist is significant. Many people who are in this situation find themselves feeling drained, anxious, and insecure. Some individuals may even feel as if they’ve lost themselves to their partner.
If this feels familiar, or describes your situation right now, remember you are not alone. This is not your fault, you weren’t weak or stupid, you were preyed on. Narcissists are skilled manipulators who aim to make others responsible for their own behaviours. Healing begins when you notice these signs, and recognize them for what they are.
To protect your own well-being, start by acknowledging the fact that you may be in a narcissistic relationship. This is the first step towards making a difference in your life. 
Next, state your boundaries. Stop allowing them to put their mistakes on you. Their demands for attention and blame-shifting, are a blatant disrespect of your boundaries, needs, and most importantly you. They may threaten to leave you, or blame you for the end of the relationship, but this is again not your fault. Try speaking to a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend. They can help you navigate the emotional fallout you may be experiencing. Once you’re ready, you can begin to rebuild your self-worth. Reconnect with your values, strengths, and uniqueness that makes you who you are. Reminding yourself of that can help restore any confidence your partner had eroded.
Breaking free from a narcissistic relationship is difficult, but possible. When you relearn to trust yourself and rebuild your confidence, you’re healing and working towards creating healthy connections. As a last ditch effort, the narcissist may revert to their original form. Showering you again with love and affection. Just remind yourself what happened last time. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious problem that doesn’t get resolved by leaving them for a few days. You are special, and you are worthy, don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Does this sound like a relationship you’ve experienced? Check out our Clinical Director’s Podcast, Straight Talk with Sandra Reich, and learn even more signs and strategies for noticing and dealing with a narcissistic partner.
Relationships with Narcissists – Buyer BEWARE!
About the Episode:
Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as a person who’s in love with him or herself. It is more accurate to characterize the pathological narcissist as someone who’s in love with an idealized self-image, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self. Deep down, most pathological narcissists feel like the ugly duckling, even if they painfully don’t want to admit it. This obsession with self makes it nearly impossible for the narcissist to have intimate relationships… which can be heartbreaking if you have one in your life.
Join us as Sandra and her colleague, Georgia Dow, discuss this weighty topic. The narcissist might be largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how his or her actions affect others, but you need to know how to recognize those actions and take care of yourself in the midst of them.
Listen to it here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EejjRRlEIH0
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If you’ve found yourself in a narcissistic relationship, this is your reminder that this isn’t the end. At The Montreal Center for Anxiety and Depression we have top specialists who can provide you with the guidance to rebuild your life. It would be our absolute pleasure to match you with a therapist and guide you as you find yourself again.
To find support now, give us a call at 514 777-4530 today. We would love to help you, and get you started on your journey. Change your life… TODAY!
