We all have an inner voice that makes life harder. It points out your short-comings, mistakes, and stays in the back of your mind telling you you’re “not good enough”. Though it originally developed as a coping mechanism against failure, or rejection, its repetition and internalization does more harm than good.
Your inner critic thrives on perfectionism. It relishes in the idea that anything less than perfect is failure, and then consequently draws a comparison between your failures and other’s successes. Though skewed in perception, your inner critic will keep you trapped in fear. Fear that you’re doing something wrong, paralysed with the mere idea of failing. Instead of being motivational, this part of your mind fuels anxiety and destroys your confidence.
The key to beating your critical voice is to notice it without accusing it. When you take the time to pause and name the origin of these invasive thoughts, you put some distance between the criticism and yourself. This will help you view the comment from an outside perspective, allowing you the state of mind to either accept or reject the thought.
Sometimes it may feel like your inner critic is an unrelenting parole officer, always telling you when you’re messing up and the subsequent consequences. It doesn’t have to control the conversation though. By compassionately challenging your critical mind, you become stronger and more fair to yourself and others.
Here are some practical ways to work against it:
- Notice it with compassion- try starting your healing journey by just observing the critic. Mindfully study the thought and avoid getting stuck on it. By creating space between you and the critique, you separate yourself from this failure driven narrative. Over time, the distance loosens its grip on you.
- Name it and make space for it- give your inner critic a specific name. Anything from “the perfectionist” to “Mr. Muffins”. You can be as serious or as playful as you want. The point is to make your inner critic approachable, rather than scary. With a name, it becomes only a part of you rather than your entire identity. It’s you who chooses how much, or how little, attention it gets.
Shift the perspective- by switching the perspective from a first person to a third person, you can separate yourself from the attack. As an outsider, you can respond to these thoughts with a more grounded presence.- Don’t fight it- fighting your inner critic is mentally taxing. Instead of battling your thoughts, try questioning its purpose. By approaching it with curiosity, you can transform the critic into a supportive guardian. Rather than being attacked all the time you can ask “What do you think you are protecting me from?”
- Fact-check it with self-compassion- Treat these thoughts the way you’d treat someone speaking to your friend this way. Try using comforting phrases while fact-checking the critiques. Ask yourself if the thoughts are really true, and rephrase them to soften their blow. Avoid thinking in harsh, absolute sentences.
When working on your inner critic, it’s always important to reflect on its appearances. Try tracking when it becomes more harsh. Perhaps it’s linked 
with stress, a certain time of year, or to certain people. If you acknowledge when you’re more susceptible to criticism, you can remind yourself to treat yourself with extra compassion on those days.
Taming your inner critic isn’t about winning, it’s about strengthening your mind. By building a relationship with your inner critic, you can outgrow it. When you practice noticing, naming, and responding with compassion, your critical thoughts lose their power. They may always surface, but they’ll fade to the background. With proper practice and employment of strategies, your inner critic may still be around- but it won’t be running the show.
For more information on Overcoming your inner critic, check out our Clinical Director’s Podcast, Straight Talk with Sandra Reich.
About this Episode
Each of us has an “inner critic” judging our every action and instructing us on how to live our lives. But how much are we letting this inner critic control us? Are our actions based on what we really feel and believe, or are we living our lives based on our inner critic’s negative programming? Learning to effectively overcome our critical inner voice is central to all areas of life: personal development, healthy relationships, self-esteem, and career success.
Join us for this profound interview where Sandra talks with author and psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone about dealing with our inner critic through self-compassion.
https://youtu.be/2GV58B5XprE?si=jnAtwYlLLe8ml6aI
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If you feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of inner criticism, remember you’re not the only person feeling this way. At The Montreal Center for Anxiety and Depression we have many specialists who can provide personalised care in learning how to challenge your inner critic. It would be our absolute pleasure to match you with a therapist and guide you as you take your first steps towards healthy well-being.
To learn more about challenging your inner critic give us a call at 514 777-4530 today. We would love to help you, and get you started on your journey. Change your life… TODAY![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
